This year has been hard.
I changed my career in an act of impulse hatred and the fact I was bullied to give up.
I had my own classroom and I loved my kids. But I was subjected to torment by my principal and my supervising teacher. Enough to make me give up and tell myself I am not good enough. They blatantly said I wasn’t good enough.
To make matters worse. This was a CHRISTIAN school. A school based on love and acceptance. For once I believed that it was all a lie. It wasn’t based on love. It was a mixture of gossip, exclusion and hate. Not a school I wanted to be a part of.
I lost all confidence. I taught at other schools but the kids would scream at me, call me names and I started to hate myself and my teaching ability. I hated my job and the five years it took at university.
Then came the unpleasant talk to my friends and family. I was constantly reminded of my 5 years at uni. I was told not to give up and not to waste my degree. I was reminded that it was stupid to not teach anymore. I smiled but secretly wanted them to shut up.
Sooner than later, I lost it. I really lost it that I quit. I snapped at the people trying to talk me out of it. Told them to shut the fuck up. I had enough of their bullying and their degrading comments.
I took to social media slamming teaching and the people who condone hate and unacceptance of casuals and teachers in general. That’s when I received support. I received it through my hate.
Messed up isn’t it?
Soon after I realised I didn’t have a proper supporting job.
I pushed and probably annoyed all the managers around my retail job. Pushing for extra hours. Hours that strained my anxiety but I still did it.
I managed to afford paying my rent and my bills. It was hard and I cried a lot but I was happy that I pushed myself.
I didn’t get the jobs that I applied for but I got work with people that are supportive and friendly. Even though I stuff up and make mistakes, they are there supporting me and pushing me to try harder.
It’s been so hard to get where I am now. But I am so proud of myself and so thankful for Blake and his support. He has been a partner and a supportive one. I have never in my whole life felt accepted and loved so much by someone. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with someone, growing a family and supporting them with him by my side.
It’s always hard but if you believe in yourself a tiny bit and have someone else believe in you too, it makes it a hell of a lot easier.